Imagine the scene:
It is July 4, 2023, and President Kamala Harris is about to speak to the American people about Vladimir Putin’s decision to invade Poland.
She has been the leader of the free world for six months since Joe Biden, implementing the 25th Amendment, abruptly resigned due to physical and mental incapacity after Democrats suffered the worst midterm elections in Europe. history, losing 120 seats in the House and eight in the Senate. seats.
It broke Grover Cleveland’s long-standing ignominious record since 1892 of the “greatest midterm annihilation ever” and meant that Republicans regained full control of Congress with crippling majorities that destroyed the agenda.
(It has been reported that Biden fell into a spontaneous catatonic state after seeing the extent of his failure to persuade Americans that he was doing a good job, although it took White House aides several days to realizing that he was not acting normally.)
President Harris‘s term in office came close to a miracle, in that she managed to be even worse than her predecessor – something political pundits didn’t believe possible.
In fact, his presidency has been a catalog of calamities, dominated by revival-ravaged madness.
Her first move was to make new congresswoman Megan Rapinoe her vice president, saying how thrilled she was to nominate the first queer woman to such a high office – only for Rapinoe to destroy the historic moment by posting a furious statement saying that she now identified as a non-binary bisexual womb carrier, so she had never been so offended and was quitting before she even started.
Rapinoe was persuaded to stay when Harris agreed to drop the moniker “Madam President” and be referred to as “President of Indeterminate Gender” in the future, and to campaign for all American sports to be henceforth gender-neutral to ensure “fairness, equality and inclusion.”
(So Team USA at the 2024 Paris Olympics was all biological men and shattered all women’s Olympic records. “That’s what progressive progress looks like!” a delighted Harris said. .)
Schools are in crisis after making Meghan Markle the new Education Secretary and her first action was to make it a dismissal offense for teachers to even mention the names of ‘toxicly masculine’ American icons like Abraham Lincoln, Elvis Presley, Neil Armstrong and Mickey Mantle. as they “all looked like the cruel white supremacists of the royal family” from whom she was forced to escape.
Illegal immigration skyrocketed after Harris declared an immediate path to full U.S. citizenship for anyone who now comes forward attempting to enter the southern border illegally and identifies themselves as a legal immigrant, saying, “The identity self is the foundation of this administration. Under my presidency-of-gender-indeterminate, people have the right to be whoever they want to be! Hahahaha!”
To which critics responded by suggesting that she now identifies as a jaded idiot.
Crime also rose dramatically after President Harris’s new Homeland Security Secretary, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, introduced substantial police defunding that led to instant widespread lawlessness.
Without an ounce of self-awareness, the two women had proudly unveiled their ‘No cops, no fear’ policy from inside the impregnable, bombproof White House Situation Room. , behind a wall of heavily armed Secret Service agents.
Gas prices are now $12 a gallon after Harris signed an emergency executive order banning all US government dealings with Saudi Arabia, something she announced with a long, uncontrollable laugh and the words : “Joe was so weak with these misogynistic monsters, hahahaha, I’ll show them what feminist empowerment really looks like, hahaha!
The Saudis responded by saying “That’s why we don’t let women drive cars” and giving all their oil to China and Russia, massively worsening America’s energy supply crisis.
Inflation continued to climb to 15%, a full fledged recession is now raging, another Great Depression is looming, and her only response was to give an interview to Jen Psaki on MSNBC in which she smiled, nodded. smugly and said, “You know me, Jen, I’m a detail girl, and I can assure you I know EXACTLY what the problem is, I’m very HARD focused on the problem, I’m sure I going to SOLVE the problem, although I can’t say how I’m going to do that yet, and anyway, things are MUCH WORSE in Venezeula so we really need a bit of a step back here folks – AI- I’M RIGHT, JEN?! Hahahaha.
If President Harris’ domestic agenda is a disaster, then his performance on the international stage has been a disaster of biblical proportions.
She withdrew all US arms supplies from President Zelensky in Ukraine after discovering he made ‘totally inappropriate’ trans jokes when he was a comedian. This lamentable inaction of revival-induced military materiel cancel culture soon encouraged Russia to successfully attack and seize Kyiv, thus completing its illegal takeover of the entire country.
And she summarily ended the ‘special relationship’ with Britain after it was revealed Prime Minister Boris Johnson took the title too literally and was caught having an illicit affair with the new American ambassador in London, Jane Hartley.
“I can’t stand immorality,” said the woman, who had a long affair with a married man twice her age and hosted a web-based debate on “empowering women and girls.” .with Bill Clinton.
But his most shocking decision was to unilaterally disarm the United States of all its nuclear weapons because Putin said he would too if America came first.
“It’s funny, hahaha,” she laughs loudly on her return from Moscow, “but I trust Vladimir, hahahaha. We have peace in our time!
Of course, like Hitler in 1939, Putin went back on his word and now attacked Poland, telling NATO that if they responded he would reduce them to rubble.
So it’s Independence Day 2023, and President Harris, flanked by her chief of staff Jussie Smollett to help her if she needs to play the fake victim card, is about to get address the American people and the watching world, and she doesn’t know what to say.
As the camera goes live, she giggles and grunts nervously, frantically strokes her hair, then stares ahead like the most terrified rabbit ever trapped in the headlights, and finally stammers, “Well…hahaha…. at least you all now know what I meant by the importance of the passage of time! RIGHT?! My presidency has been the most terrible ever! HAHAHAHA!”
Seventeen months later, Ron DeSantis is elected President of the United States after the biggest election victory in US history.