When Joe Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 presidential election, millions of Americans shared tears of relief and a shrug of acceptance. However, despite becoming president of the United States, voters always knew there was one thing more important to Biden than running the executive branch: ice cream.
Despite his well-known penchant for dessert, few expected him to prioritize it over the most important job in the country. Yet Biden announced he was stepping down from the presidency immediately to chase an ice cream truck.
“Listen, folks,” Biden began in a video stream from the Oval Office. “There are a lot of issues that need to be addressed in this country – people can’t afford to live on one income, the cost of a college education is too high and the small population of prairie chickens is approaching a very dangerous low,” the former president said with a squint in his eyes, as if he had accidentally sat on some tack but didn’t want to make a fuss about it.
“But now I have found a greater calling. That call, my fellow Americans, is a double scoop of chocolate chips in a waffle cone – extra sprinkles. I hear the ice cream truck is near, and it is my duty to chase it until my mission is complete. God bless you all and God bless our troops.
Biden then randomly removed his microphone, leaving it on the desk before running out of frame.
Some questioned whether or not the announcement was a joke. However, the fact that Biden has declared his desire for the ice cream that he is best known for ordering — plus nuggets for a bit of spice — indicates that the 46th President of the United States is deadly serious.
This isn’t the first time the Scranton, Pennsylvania native has come under fire for his love of frozen treats. As tensions rose between Russia and Ukraine on January 25 this year, Biden came under fire for stopping by Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams in Washington DC. Here are some of the complaints from journalists and politicians.
“Is it appropriate right now? Vladimir Putin watches this commander-in-chief chew ice cream? – Shaun KraismanNewsmax.
“Why is Putin doing this? Because he knows Biden is weak. Biden would rather have ice cream with someone than stand up for Americans. – Senator Rick ScottFlorida.
“The world is collapsing from its weakness and Joe Biden has ice cream – and look at that! A double scoop, old Joe. Grant StinchfieldNewsmax.
Further away, FoxNews followed the excursion as if something crazy like, oh I don’t know, a government insurrection was happening.
Those who were angry about the scandal can now take comfort, because every time the classic ice cream truck tune of “Turkey in the Straw” draws near, the former president can finally roll up his sleeves, put on his shoes tennis courts, catch some money and hunt that milk dragon in his spare time.
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